We live in a world with instant validation or instant invalidation, thanks to social media.  If we compare ourselves to what we see on social media, we might feel bad about ourselves or our own lives.  The key here is to remember that people only post what they want you to see or believe online.  This creates a false reality. False realities can be damaging to self-worth.  In the real world, we get feedback based on our environment.  If we wear something socially unacceptable, we get dirty looks.  If we say something socially unacceptable, we also feel the consequences.  So how do you figure yourself out when society, religion, culture, social media and your family tell you how to be?

Values

Firstly, what are your core values?  Here are few values that you might want to think about:

  • Authenticity
  • Autonomy
  • Balance
  • Compassion
  • Competency
  • Determination
  • Fairness
  • Growth
  • Honesty
  • Inner Harmony
  • Learning
  • Self-Respect
  • Spirituality
  • Trustworthiness

James Clear provides a great list of common core values if you are unsure.

Boundaries

What are you doing to please others even if it makes you uncomfortable?  Setting boundaries helps you to accomplish goals and be an authentic person.  When you are afraid to say no to others, you might end up leading a life that others want you to live.  This can lead to resentment.

What makes you feel alive?

What energises you?  What drains your energy?  If something is draining your energy, set a boundary.  Focus more on what excites you.

Develop your own style

Buy clothes based on what makes you feel good, not what the trend dictates.

Connect to yourself

When you understand your own beliefs, feelings and needs, you can become more authentic.  Make a list of what you will and will not tolerate.  Part of that list should include not tolerating abuse or control from others.

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If you are feeling lost or confused about your identity, please do seek professional help.  To make an appointment with me call +852 2521 4668 or email m.borschel@mindnlife.com

Photo by ROBIN WORRALL on Unsplash