0 comments on “Increasing Self-Confidence”

Increasing Self-Confidence

Hong Kong Psychologist Counselling Therapist

Standing in the train or lift can be a scrutinising experience in Hong Kong, as well as other international cities. We all like to look at our peers to socially compare ourselves to them, and them to us. This increases or decreases our false sense of self.  The false sense of self is the self that is attached to external validation, meaning the approval of others.

Our self-esteem rises and falls depending on our accomplishments, failures, and health of our physical body. When we are accomplishing things such as excelling in a sport, academics, relationships, or our career; we are on top of the world. When we experience failure loss or rejection, our confidence and self-esteem decrease.

The key to balancing our self-esteem, our confidence and our self-image is to realise that wins and fails are only temporary. Nothing lasts forever. Recognise that you are more than those circumstances, more than your accomplishments and your failures. Learn to recognise that approval and security come from within yourself.

Some of us may feel unsure of who we are because we’ve let our parents, our friends, authority figures or society tell us who we should and should not be. There may be points in your life where you are being pulled in many different directions by many different people.

Here are some key points to enhance your self-confidence along your journey to self-discovery

Recognise and reframe negative self-talk.

When we recognise that we have a cynical internal monologue – such as calling ourselves “stupid, fat, or ugly,” we can reframe that thought to constructive criticism. For example, “My boss is upset with my performance. I need to try to make it to work on time and make sure that I get more sleep.” Instead of “I’m a worthless failure.” The first phrase provides a workable situation that enhances growth, whereas the second phrase leaves you unmotivated.

Grow as a human being.

Set goals and challenge yourself. When you accomplish goals, you feel better about yourself. On the journey to self-growth and goals, we might meet some failure or rejection. Realise this is normal and everyone faces these challenges. Allow the failure and rejection to inspire you to try again or find another creative avenue.  When a child is learning to walk, he falls and then gets up.  He might cry for a minute, but he always tries again.  As we mature, we encounter more failure and rejection, we can either get up or give up.  Those who give up will never know what they are truly capable of.

Sit in non-judgement as much as possible.

Human beings are judgemental by nature. We have been taught since day one to be “good” and not “bad.”  When we label people, we fail to recognise that all of us are a unique blend of biology, culture, and beliefs. When you accept that people are living their reality based on their life experiences, you realise that there is nothing to judge.  This non-judgment helps you to feel more comfortable in your own skin because you will also stop judging yourself as much.  You begin to realise that it is a waste of energy and time to judge others, just as it is for others to judge you.  Focus on yourself and what you need to accomplish to become a better person.

Have boundaries.

Don’t allow others to take more of your time, energy or resources than you can give. Do not let others abuse you emotionally, verbally, or physically.  It is ok to say no.  When you give more than you want to, you become fatigued and drained.  Often times this may lead to resentment.  If you enjoy helping others, make sure that you are helping yourself as well.

Get rid of toxic people

Toxic people are people who treat you with disrespect or make you feel bad about yourself. Start to recognise your emotional state around others and be curious about that. Surround yourself with people who have similar goals and objectives as you. If you have a toxic boss or co-worker and you need to deal with them, don’t take their negative behaviour personally. Here is another excellent article on how to manage these sorts of people

http://www.entrepreneur.stfi.re/article/290372?sf=nxprpeg#aa

Remain balanced

When we are out of balance physically, emotionally, or spiritually, we feel down. To remain physically stable, eat nutritiously and exercise as well as get enough sleep. Connect with yourself through meditation and self-reflection to stay spiritually balanced. Remain emotionally balanced by recognising and respecting your emotions as well as the feelings of others. Emotions give us information about our behaviour as well as the behaviour of others.

Practice gratitude

Express appreciation to those around you who are kind or do kind things for you. Express gratitude towards yourself and your body. Expressing gratitude rewires our brain to feel and think positively.  When we feel positive, we attract positive people into our lives.  The majority of people in the world want to be appreciated and respected.  Expressing gratitude to others enhances relationships with others and yourself.

Monica_94

Dr Monica Borschel is a US-trained Clinical Psychologist  Get in touch with Dr Borschel: m.borschel@mindnlife.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drmonicaborschel

0 comments on “Love and attraction”

Love and attraction

Hong Kong Psychologist offering counselling and therapy services

Attraction is both physical and psychological.

Psychologically we may be attracted to people for many reasons. We tend to be attracted to people who: have the same or complete opposite personality traits as we do, seem familiar because we see them often, or remind us of one of our parents. We may also be psychologically attracted to certain people based on our culture or religion. Unfortunately, if we have been abused as a child, we can be attracted to people who abuse us.

The Beginning Phase of Romance

In the beginning phase of dating, the hormone oxytocin and the brain chemical dopamine leave you feeling high. Just like a drug, you physically yearn for this other person and may find yourself thinking about them often. This is the lust phase. During this phase, your body might overrule your brain. During this phase, it is easy to fall in love with the person you think you are dating, rather than who that person truly is.

During this phase, do not rush into a relationship.  Ask your partner questions about who they are and their background to get a better sense of who they are as a person.  How do they cope with disappointment, and manage other family and peer relationships?  Do they have the same ethics as you?  Do they want the same thing out of a relationship as you do?  Does this person leave you feeling drained or energised?  What does this person expect from you and what do you expect from them?

The Transition Phase into Love or Loss

At some point, your hormones and dopamine levels stabilise, and you begin to analyse the other person as a romantic partner. If you have had a history of abuse or low self-esteem, this phase may frighten you. You may seek to desperately cling to or avoid your new romantic partner. If your new romantic partner is also feeling avoidant, this partnership will most likely lead to loss rather than love.

Here is a scenario to illustrate this point:  Frank is a man who recently got out of a long-term relationship.  His heart is broken, and he is scared to get into a new relationship.  However, he has been dating Sally for the past four months because he is attracted to her physically.  At first, the chemistry was great, but now he finds that Sally wants to settle down and have children. He has told her that he does not want that.  Now Sally has become clingy and texts his phone constantly to see where he is.  She is concerned that he is with another woman.  She fears that she is going to lose him.  Sally does not believe that she is worthy of love because she grew up in a verbally abusive home.  Frank is normally secure with love, but since he just got out of a relationship, he is afraid to get into another relationship.  The more Frank avoids Sally, the more clingy Sally becomes, and the more clingy Sally becomes, the more avoidant Frank becomes.

In an ideal situation, both partners would feel that they are worthy of love and that their partner is worthy of love. Both partners would recognise that both individuals have needs within and outside of the relationship.   Both partners would want the same thing out of the relationship as the other.  For example, both are ready to commit, or both just want to be friends.

Love

Love and commitment are not always the same. For a committed relationship to take place, both people need to be looking for commitment. Both people need to accept the other person for their strengths and flaws. This is often easier said than done. Often in relationships, the fear of losing the other brings our insecurities to the surface. If both partners can communicate effectively, this can bring two people closer together. Love is saying “you are a person, not a possession. I respect your needs as I respect my own. I will not ask you to change your personal identity to fit mine, and I will not change my personal identity to fit yours. I am an individual, but I am a member of your team, I am on your side.”

Monica_94

Dr Monica Borschel is a US-trained Clinical Psychologist  Get in touch with Dr Borschel: m.borschel@mindnlife.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drmonicaborschel

0 comments on “Understanding your teenager”

Understanding your teenager

Hong Kong psychologist offering teen therapy

Parents and teenagers often get frustrated with one another because they feel as if they are misunderstood and unheard.  As a parent, if you understand some of the developmental needs of a teenager, you may feel less stressed when they act out.   Here are some key points on how you can better communicate with your teenager.

1. Social Pressure: Teenagers are under pressure to fit in with their social group.  They are constantly looking for validation from their peer group because they have not yet developed a solid sense of identity.  They might ask to do things their friends are doing, or have what their friends have so that they fit in. It is important to be flexible with this while still setting clear boundaries around what is safe and reasonable for your teenager.

2. Rejection: Teenagers often feel rejected if they have not found a peer group that they fit into.  They might also feel rejected by a love interest.  This sense of rejection can be horrible for your teen’s self-esteem.  It is essential that they come home to a safe space that is free of judgement.  As a parent, you might feel stressed by your teenager’s emotions and actions.  It is in these moments that you remind your teenager that you love them unconditionally, but you have to set boundaries to keep them safe.

3. Cutting: Sometimes teenagers feel overwhelming emotional pain, rejection or pressure.  They might resort to cutting to punish themselves, distract themselves from the emotional pain or to help them feel something other than numb.  If your teenager is frequently cutting, a professional should be consulted.

4. Self-Identity: Sometimes it might seem like teenagers are rejecting their parents.  This is in part because they are forming a self-identity.  This is part of their developmental process as they figure out who they are.  Try not to take this personally as it will increase conflict.  Instead, ask what activity you can do with them.  Set time aside to be with them.

5. Respect: Teenagers are often said to be disrespectful.  People in general, including teenagers, are more likely to respect those that they feel offer them respect.  If your teenager is disrespectful, be curious if you are respecting them.  Make sure to take the time to listen to their concerns.

6. Sleep: Teenagers need more sleep than adults.  Allow them to sleep in on the weekends.  Try to get them to sleep earlier at night.  Waking up and going to sleep at the same time every day will help with fatigue.

7. Impulsivity: Teenagers are more impulsive than adults because they are still developing the frontal lobe region of their brain.  This can be dangerous if they are having suicidal thoughts, cutting or abusing substances.

If you feel overwhelmed by your teenager’s emotions and behaviours, reach out to a professional.  Practice compassion and empathy towards yourself and your teenager.

Monica_94

Dr Monica Borschel is a US-trained Clinical Psychologist  Get in touch with Dr Borschel: m.borschel@mindnlife.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drmonicaborschel

0 comments on “Easing Academic Stress in the Home.”

Easing Academic Stress in the Home.

Hong Kong counselling therapist services-child therapy

Academic pressure is a major source of anxiety and stress for many children and teens.  As a parent, you want what is best for your child.  Here are a few pointers to help you ease the academic pressure your child might be feeling.

  1. 1. Have a stress free homework routine.  After school allow your child or teen to have a snack.  Food will help them to be in a better mood and help their brain concentrate better.  It is difficult to think when you are hungry.  Set a regular routine where after they eat, do homework, and then they can be rewarded with play or exercise.
  2. Allow your child breaks.  The brain can only focus for certain amounts of time.  Children have a shorter attention span than adults.  If your child is having a difficult time sitting still, make a game out of the homework.  Say, “If you can focus and do this worksheet properly, you can have two minutes to play, or do whatever you like.  When I count to ten, we resume the homework again.”
  3. Take the pressure out of the home.  Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.  If your child is struggling in math, do not add more pressure by shouting or punishing them.  Sit down next to them and patiently explain it to them. If you are unable to be patient with them, hire a patient tutor.  Speak kindly to your child.  When your child is calm, they can think better.
  4. Allow play and exercise for added focus and brain power. Your child or teen needs to play and exercise in order to sit through school.  Exercise increases blood flow to the brain making it easier to focus and learn.  Children need to play to reduce stress.
  5. Stress reduction.  Anxiety and stress hinder learning because the fight or flight system is activated.  Anxiety and stress make it difficult to focus and learn.  Stress and anxiety can be reduced in different ways, such as play, art, exercise and breathing techniques.  Allow your child to open up to you and express how they are feeling without judgement and punishment.
  6. Sleep. Make sure your child or teenager is getting enough sleep at night.  Lack of sleep makes it difficult to learn.
  7. Proper nutrition.  Too much sugar will create fatigue and shorten attention span.  Proper nutrition and diet lead to a healthy body and brain.
  8. Remain calm.  The calmer you are, the calmer your child will be.  This enables a better learning environment in and outside of the home.
  9. Decrease screen time. Overstimulation from the iPad, television, computer, video games and phone decrease attention. Limit the amount your teen or child is allowed to use these electronic devices.

Dr Monica Borschel is a US trained Clinical Psychologist Get in touch with Dr. Borschel: m.borschel@mindnlife.com for an individual or Skype session.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drmonicaborschel

0 comments on “Why is my teenager cutting?”

Why is my teenager cutting?

Hong Kong counseling and therapy services-teen-counseling

The modern teenager is under immense social and academic pressure.  Not only are teenagers going through rapid hormonal and brain changes, their social life is also rapidly changing with the advancement of social media.  Some parents struggle to maintain a healthy relationship with their teenager because teens and parents tend to view the world through different lenses.  Most teens want to be accepted and loved by their peer group as well as at home. Teenagers are seeking to find their self-identity amid the chaos.  Here are a few reasons why your teenager might be engaging in self-harm such as cutting.

  1. To alleviate emotional pain.  Physical pain takes the focus off of the emotional pain. Your teenager might not know how to cope with intense emotions such as rejection, loss or loneliness.  If your teenager is cutting because of this, listen to them speak about their feelings without punishing them or criticising them.  If you are unable to listen because of your own emotions, seek the help of a professional for teen counselling or for your personal support.
  2. They feel numb. If your teenager has become overwhelmed, they might have chosen to shut down their emotions.  They might feel numb because of voluntarily avoiding their emotions or due to severe anxiety or social anxiety.  The cutting helps them to feel alive.  If your teenager is cutting because of this, professional help for your teenager should be sought after.
  3. They want to punish themselves.  Your teenager might have gone through rejection, break-up or other failure and they believe they should be punished.  Speak to your teenager and try to help them understand that they do not need to punish themselves and that you love them.  If you are unable to be calm in this situation, seek a professional to speak to your teenager.
  4. Social Media.  Your teenager might have seen photos on social media glamorising cutting and self-harm.  Make sure your teenager understands that they do not need to always follow what their peers are doing as it can be quite dangerous.  Because you are the parent, your teenager might not listen to you about this.  Teenagers might believe that their parents are outdated and don’t understand.  If this is the case, seek a counsellor for your teenager.

Read more about your teenager here and about depression and suicide here.

 

Dr Monica Borschel is a US-trained Clinical Psychologist who specialises in loss and attachment.  Get in touch with Dr Borschel: m.borschel@mindnlife.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drmonicaborschel

0 comments on “Why is my teenager cutting?”

Why is my teenager cutting?

Hong Kong counseling and therapy services-teen-counseling

The modern teenager is under immense social and academic pressure.  Not only are teenagers going through rapid hormonal and brain changes, their social life is also rapidly changing with the advancement of social media.  Some parents struggle to maintain a healthy relationship with their teenager because teens and parents tend to view the world through different lenses.  Most teens want to be accepted and loved by their peer group as well as at home. Teenagers are seeking to find their self-identity amid the chaos.  Here are a few reasons why your teenager might be engaging in self-harm such as cutting.

  1. To alleviate emotional pain.  Physical pain takes the focus off of the emotional pain. Your teenager might not know how to cope with intense emotions such as rejection, loss or loneliness.  If your teenager is cutting because of this, listen to them speak about their feelings without punishing them or criticising them.  If you are unable to listen because of your own emotions, seek the help of a professional for teen counselling or for your personal support.
  2. They feel numb. If your teenager has become overwhelmed, they might have chosen to shut down their emotions.  They might feel numb because of voluntarily avoiding their emotions or due to severe anxiety or social anxiety.  The cutting helps them to feel alive.  If your teenager is cutting because of this, professional help for your teenager should be sought after.
  3. They want to punish themselves.  Your teenager might have gone through rejection, break-up or other failure and they believe they should be punished.  Speak to your teenager and try to help them understand that they do not need to punish themselves and that you love them.  If you are unable to be calm in this situation, seek a professional to speak to your teenager.
  4. Social Media.  Your teenager might have seen photos on social media glamorising cutting and self-harm.  Make sure your teenager understands that they do not need to always follow what their peers are doing as it can be quite dangerous.  Because you are the parent, your teenager might not listen to you about this.  Teenagers might believe that their parents are outdated and don’t understand.  If this is the case, seek a counsellor for your teenager.

Read more about your teenager here and about depression and suicide here.

Monica_in

Dr Monica Borschel is a US-trained Clinical Psychologist who specialises in loss and attachment.  Get in touch with Dr Borschel: m.borschel@mindnlife.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drmonicaborschel

0 comments on “Understanding your teenager”

Understanding your teenager

Hong Kong psychologist offering teen therapy

Parents and teenagers often get frustrated with one another because they feel as if they are misunderstood and unheard.  As a parent, if you understand some of the developmental needs of a teenager, you may feel less stressed when they act out.   Here are some key points on how you can better communicate with your teenager.

1. Social Pressure: Teenagers are under pressure to fit in with their social group.  They are constantly looking for validation from their peer group because they have not yet developed a solid sense of identity.  They might ask to do things their friends are doing, or have what their friends have so that they fit in. It is important to be flexible with this while still setting clear boundaries around what is safe and reasonable for your teenager.

2. Rejection: Teenagers often feel rejected if they have not found a peer group that they fit into.  They might also feel rejected by a love interest.  This sense of rejection can be horrible for your teen’s self-esteem.  It is essential that they come home to a safe space that is free of judgement.  As a parent, you might feel stressed by your teenager’s emotions and actions.  It is in these moments that you remind your teenager that you love them unconditionally, but you have to set boundaries to keep them safe.

3. Cutting: Sometimes teenagers feel overwhelming emotional pain, rejection or pressure.  They might resort to cutting to punish themselves, distract themselves from the emotional pain or to help them feel something other than numb.  If your teenager is frequently cutting, a professional should be consulted.

4. Self-Identity: Sometimes it might seem like teenagers are rejecting their parents.  This is in part because they are forming a self-identity.  This is part of their developmental process as they figure out who they are.  Try not to take this personally as it will increase conflict.  Instead, ask what activity you can do with them.  Set time aside to be with them.

5. Respect: Teenagers are often said to be disrespectful.  People in general, including teenagers, are more likely to respect those that they feel offer them respect.  If your teenager is disrespectful, be curious if you are respecting them.  Make sure to take the time to listen to their concerns.

6. Sleep: Teenagers need more sleep than adults.  Allow them to sleep in on the weekends.  Try to get them to sleep earlier at night.  Waking up and going to sleep at the same time every day will help with fatigue.

7. Impulsivity: Teenagers are more impulsive than adults because they are still developing the frontal lobe region of their brain.  This can be dangerous if they are having suicidal thoughts, cutting or abusing substances.

If you feel overwhelmed by your teenager’s emotions and behaviours, reach out to a professional.  Practice compassion and empathy towards yourself and your teenager.

Monica_94

Dr Monica Borschel is a US-trained Clinical Psychologist  Get in touch with Dr Borschel: m.borschel@mindnlife.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drmonicaborschel

0 comments on “Love and attraction”

Love and attraction

Hong Kong Psychologist offering counselling and therapy services

Attraction is both physical and psychological.

Psychologically we may be attracted to people for many reasons. We tend to be attracted to people who: have the same or complete opposite personality traits as we do, seem familiar because we see them often, or remind us of one of our parents. We may also be psychologically attracted to certain people based on our culture or religion. Unfortunately, if we have been abused as a child, we can be attracted to people who abuse us.

The Beginning Phase of Romance

In the beginning phase of dating, the hormone oxytocin and the brain chemical dopamine leave you feeling high. Just like a drug, you physically yearn for this other person and may find yourself thinking about them often. This is the lust phase. During this phase, your body might overrule your brain. During this phase, it is easy to fall in love with the person you think you are dating, rather than who that person truly is.

During this phase, do not rush into a relationship.  Ask your partner questions about who they are and their background to get a better sense of who they are as a person.  How do they cope with disappointment, and manage other family and peer relationships?  Do they have the same ethics as you?  Do they want the same thing out of a relationship as you do?  Does this person leave you feeling drained or energised?  What does this person expect from you and what do you expect from them?

The Transition Phase into Love or Loss

At some point, your hormones and dopamine levels stabilise, and you begin to analyse the other person as a romantic partner. If you have had a history of abuse or low self-esteem, this phase may frighten you. You may seek to desperately cling to or avoid your new romantic partner. If your new romantic partner is also feeling avoidant, this partnership will most likely lead to loss rather than love.

Here is a scenario to illustrate this point:  Frank is a man who recently got out of a long-term relationship.  His heart is broken, and he is scared to get into a new relationship.  However, he has been dating Sally for the past four months because he is attracted to her physically.  At first, the chemistry was great, but now he finds that Sally wants to settle down and have children. He has told her that he does not want that.  Now Sally has become clingy and texts his phone constantly to see where he is.  She is concerned that he is with another woman.  She fears that she is going to lose him.  Sally does not believe that she is worthy of love because she grew up in a verbally abusive home.  Frank is normally secure with love, but since he just got out of a relationship, he is afraid to get into another relationship.  The more Frank avoids Sally, the more clingy Sally becomes, and the more clingy Sally becomes, the more avoidant Frank becomes.

In an ideal situation, both partners would feel that they are worthy of love and that their partner is worthy of love. Both partners would recognise that both individuals have needs within and outside of the relationship.   Both partners would want the same thing out of the relationship as the other.  For example, both are ready to commit, or both just want to be friends.

Love

Love and commitment are not always the same. For a committed relationship to take place, both people need to be looking for commitment. Both people need to accept the other person for their strengths and flaws. This is often easier said than done. Often in relationships, the fear of losing the other brings our insecurities to the surface. If both partners can communicate effectively, this can bring two people closer together. Love is saying “you are a person, not a possession. I respect your needs as I respect my own. I will not ask you to change your personal identity to fit mine, and I will not change my personal identity to fit yours. I am an individual, but I am a member of your team, I am on your side.”

Monica_94

Dr Monica Borschel is a US-trained Clinical Psychologist  Get in touch with Dr Borschel: m.borschel@mindnlife.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drmonicaborschel

0 comments on “Increasing Self-Confidence”

Increasing Self-Confidence

Hong Kong Psychologist Counselling Therapist

Standing in the train or lift can be a scrutinising experience in Hong Kong, as well as other international cities. We all like to look at our peers to socially compare ourselves to them, and them to us. This increases or decreases our false sense of self.  The false sense of self is the self that is attached to external validation, meaning the approval of others.

Our self-esteem rises and falls depending on our accomplishments, failures, and health of our physical body. When we are accomplishing things such as excelling in a sport, academics, relationships, or our career; we are on top of the world. When we experience failure loss or rejection, our confidence and self-esteem decrease.

The key to balancing our self-esteem, our confidence and our self-image is to realise that wins and fails are only temporary. Nothing lasts forever. Recognise that you are more than those circumstances, more than your accomplishments and your failures. Learn to recognise that approval and security come from within yourself.

Some of us may feel unsure of who we are because we’ve let our parents, our friends, authority figures or society tell us who we should and should not be. There may be points in your life where you are being pulled in many different directions by many different people.

Here are some key points to enhance your self-confidence along your journey to self-discovery

Recognise and reframe negative self-talk.

When we recognise that we have a cynical internal monologue – such as calling ourselves “stupid, fat, or ugly,” we can reframe that thought to constructive criticism. For example, “My boss is upset with my performance. I need to try to make it to work on time and make sure that I get more sleep.” Instead of “I’m a worthless failure.” The first phrase provides a workable situation that enhances growth, whereas the second phrase leaves you unmotivated.

Grow as a human being.

Set goals and challenge yourself. When you accomplish goals, you feel better about yourself. On the journey to self-growth and goals, we might meet some failure or rejection. Realise this is normal and everyone faces these challenges. Allow the failure and rejection to inspire you to try again or find another creative avenue.  When a child is learning to walk, he falls and then gets up.  He might cry for a minute, but he always tries again.  As we mature, we encounter more failure and rejection, we can either get up or give up.  Those who give up will never know what they are truly capable of.

Sit in non-judgement as much as possible.

Human beings are judgemental by nature. We have been taught since day one to be “good” and not “bad.”  When we label people, we fail to recognise that all of us are a unique blend of biology, culture, and beliefs. When you accept that people are living their reality based on their life experiences, you realise that there is nothing to judge.  This non-judgment helps you to feel more comfortable in your own skin because you will also stop judging yourself as much.  You begin to realise that it is a waste of energy and time to judge others, just as it is for others to judge you.  Focus on yourself and what you need to accomplish to become a better person.

Have boundaries.

Don’t allow others to take more of your time, energy or resources than you can give. Do not let others abuse you emotionally, verbally, or physically.  It is ok to say no.  When you give more than you want to, you become fatigued and drained.  Often times this may lead to resentment.  If you enjoy helping others, make sure that you are helping yourself as well.

Get rid of toxic people

Toxic people are people who treat you with disrespect or make you feel bad about yourself. Start to recognise your emotional state around others and be curious about that. Surround yourself with people who have similar goals and objectives as you. If you have a toxic boss or co-worker and you need to deal with them, don’t take their negative behaviour personally. Here is another excellent article on how to manage these sorts of people

http://www.entrepreneur.stfi.re/article/290372?sf=nxprpeg#aa

Remain balanced

When we are out of balance physically, emotionally, or spiritually, we feel down. To remain physically stable, eat nutritiously and exercise as well as get enough sleep. Connect with yourself through meditation and self-reflection to stay spiritually balanced. Remain emotionally balanced by recognising and respecting your emotions as well as the feelings of others. Emotions give us information about our behaviour as well as the behaviour of others.

Practice gratitude

Express appreciation to those around you who are kind or do kind things for you. Express gratitude towards yourself and your body. Expressing gratitude rewires our brain to feel and think positively.  When we feel positive, we attract positive people into our lives.  The majority of people in the world want to be appreciated and respected.  Expressing gratitude to others enhances relationships with others and yourself.

Monica_94

 

Dr Monica Borschel is a US-trained Clinical Psychologist  Get in touch with Dr Borschel: m.borschel@mindnlife.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drmonicaborschel

 

 

0 comments on “Connecting Through Play”

Connecting Through Play

Hong Kong psychologist counselling services-child therapy

People are social and long for human connection.  This connection includes the knowledge that you are seen and heard, and that you are respected and appreciated for who you are.  Children also need human connection; we can connect with them through play.  Play is a child’s way to innovate, problem solve and relax.  When we play with our children, we can teach them how to interact and play with other children on the playground or at home.  Here are some quick tips on how you and your child can connect and build a strong relationship through play.

Always ask first

This models the kind of behaviour that you want them to have with their siblings and other children.

Ask your child if you can play with them.  If they say no, do not be offended.  They might be in the middle of figuring out a solution to a problem they have been working on.
Ask them which toy they want you to play with.

Let them lead the play

This shows your child that you care about them and that you are willing to step into their world.

Do not tell them what you two are going to play.  Follow their lead.  Ask, what do you want to play?  What do you want me to do?

Make eye contact and excited facial expressions

This helps your child feel seen and loved.  When you act excited, they will be excited.

Sit on the floor with them; get down on their level.

Children have little control or power.  This is a way to show them that the two of you are on the same level leading to a deeper connection.

Set boundaries, rules and expectations. 

Let them know that hands and feet are for playing and not kicking.  Explain that if they throw toys, they will be taken away.  Rules and boundaries keep a child feeling secure.  This way he understands what is appropriate behaviour and what consequences will be if rules are broken.  The rules and boundaries set are also for parents to follow.  Parents also should not hit, kick or throw.
Monica_in

Dr Monica Borschel is Clinical Psychologist in Hong Kong

Get in touch with Dr Borschel: m.borschel@mindnlife.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drmonicaborschel