As a psychologist, I often get the question, “What’s wrong with me?”
You have flaws and strengths just like anyone else. You have made decisions to be who you are, which might not fit into societies standards.
The real question is, “Why do you think there is something wrong with you?”
Often people feel like there is something wrong with them because they don’t fit into a box. They might believe they are different because they are creative, but others want them to be academic. They might also feel like they don’t fit in because they are not what their parents or society wants them to be. They might feel awkward because they are introverted and would prefer to stay at home alone. Some people think that they are weird because they are not in a relationship or because they don’t want to have children. Others might disagree with the religion or culture that they were brought up in, which makes them feel out of place.
Being yourself and following your own goals and beliefs is not wrong. It only becomes a problem when either yourself or someone else is hurting because of it. You are not responsible for other peoples feelings; however, you should not hurt others on purpose. A good example would be a woman or a man who is getting pressured to marry from their parents. However, they are not ready to marry. In this situation, not getting married places stress on the parents, but does not put stress on the adult child. If the adult child were to marry to please their parents, they might end up unhappy, in turn making the parents unhappy. Here are some questions to ask yourself if you are feeling conflicted or feeling bad about yourself.
1. How has my culture affected my belief system?: Culture plays a significant role in how we view ourselves and what we should be doing. Are your beliefs in line with your culture? If they are there is no conflict. If they aren’t, is that ok? Can you accept that about yourself?
2. Religious background: Religion can shape how we view morality and relationships. Is your religion shaming you for what you believe in? Are your own beliefs in line with your faith? These are other ideas to explore for mental conflicts.
3. People pleasing: Are you having a difficult time because you want to please others and you have forgotten that your needs also matter? Boundaries are essential for mental well being. Giving more than you want to provide leads to resentment and exhaustion.
4. Negative thoughts: Negative thoughts about yourself and others can also make you feel like something is wrong with you and can lead to depression and anxiety. If you are having a difficult time thinking positive or feeling hopeful, a professional should be contacted.
5. Trauma, abuse and loss: A trauma can make you feel like others, or your environment is not safe. This can make you feel disconnected and out of place. Abuse can also lower self-worth and self-esteem. When we go through a loss, we often feel rejected or other emotions such as grief. When we are in a low place, we feel like no one can understand us. This is also a great time to contact a professional who can help you.
Dr Monica Borschel is a US-trained Clinical Psychologist Reach out to Dr Borschel: firstname.lastname@example.org
Skype or private session available