Many people ask themselves, “Why am I still single?” “Am I unloveable?”
Often we ask ourselves these questions because we are putting to much pressure on finding “the one.” Finding the right partner requires confidence, patience and perseverance. There are certain traits and factors that make you attracted to others, and attractive to others. Here are some points to consider and reflect on in order to go out and meet the right person.
1. What do you value in yourself? If you were to take out a piece of paper and write your top five strengths or things that you admire about yourself, what would they be? Usually, what we value in ourself is what we value in others. Once you have made your list of top five traits, you can reflect on where someone like that would be. Would you meet this person at a bar, comedy club, hiking meet-up or at church.
2. Are you confident or shy? Shy people have a more difficult time putting them self out there to meet other people. Confidence is a trait that people tend to be attracted too. What can you do to push yourself out of your comfort zone and meet more people? Do you need to become more confident? If social anxiety is overwhelming for you, a professional can help to guide you to become a more confident person.
3. Why are you looking for a partner? Are you looking for a partner to keep your family happy or because you believe that you need to fit into society? A partner makes life more enjoyable, it is a want and not a need. You can be happy without a significant other.
4. Get comfortable with rejection. Rejection is part of the dating game. You might date people you like but don’t like you, people you don’t like but they like you, and eventually with patience the person where there is mutual attraction. Dating can feel like a numbers game, the more you put yourself out there, the better the odds.
5. What is your attachment style? People with a secure attachment style tend to be attracted to other people with a secure attachment style. Having a secure attachment means that you are able to connect with others in a healthy way. People who don’t believe that they are worthy of love might find themselves attracted to people who are not comfortable getting close to others. To find out your attachment style and in certain relationships, click this link http://www.yourpersonality.net/attachment/
Dr Monica Borschel is a US-trained Clinical Psychologist.
Reach out to Dr Borschel: firstname.lastname@example.org