Many people ask themselves, “Why am I still single?” “Am I unloveable?”

Often we ask ourselves these questions because we are putting too much pressure on finding “the one.” Finding the right partner requires confidence, patience and perseverance. Some certain traits and factors make you attracted to others and attractive to others. Here are some points to consider and reflect on to go out and meet the right person.

1. What do you value in yourself?

If you were to take out a piece of paper and write your top five strengths or things you admire about yourself, what would they be? Usually, what we value in ourselves is what we value in others. Once you have made your list of top five traits, you can reflect on where someone like that would be. Would you meet this person at a bar, comedy club, hiking meet-up or at church?

2. Are you confident or shy?

Shy people have a more difficult time putting themself out there to meet other people. Confidence is a trait that people tend to be attracted to. What can you do to push yourself out of your comfort zone and meet more people? Do you need to become more confident? If social anxiety is overwhelming for you, a professional can help you become a more confident person.

3. Why are you looking for a partner?

Are you looking for a partner to keep your family happy or because you believe that you need to fit into society? A partner makes life more enjoyable; it is a want and not a need. You can be happy without a significant other.

4. Get comfortable with rejection.

Rejection is part of the dating game. You might date people you like but don’t like you, people you don’t like, but they like you, and eventually, with patience, the person where there is mutual attraction. Dating can feel like a numbers game. The more you put yourself out there, the better the odds.

5. What is your attachment style?

People with a secure attachment style tend to be attracted to other people with a secure attachment style. Having a secure attachment means that you can healthily connect with others. People who don’t believe that they are worthy of love might find themselves attracted to people who are not comfortable getting close to others. To find out your attachment style and in certain relationships, click this link


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Although I am a registered clinical psychologist with the Hong Kong Society of Counseling and Psychology, I am not a licensed psychologist or any other type of licensed therapist in the United States. The information I am providing here is educational and informational. This social media page does not provide professional advice, nor does it create a professional-client relationship or any other type of relationship between us. You should always consult your own licensed mental health professional before making any changes regarding your mental health. My goal is to educate, guide, consult, and empower you regarding your mental health journey. Always consult your licensed mental healthcare provider(s) and never disregard or delay medical advice based on information posted on this page or post.