Grief and Loss

When Zoie lost her mom, she felt a deep void inside of her.  She struggled to get out of bed in the morning.  Her mother had been the one that she could always turn, too, when she was fighting or stressed.  She couldn’t imagine holidays and significant events without her.  At work, she felt confused, and her brain seemed to be working slower than usual.  What was the point anyway?  She was struggling to find meaning in life.

Zoie’s husband tried to comfort her, but he wasn’t sure what to say or what to do.  It seemed that while Zoie was grieving, he couldn’t get anything right.  This led to more conflict.  The arguments sent Zoie into more profound emptiness.

Upon reflection, Zoie realised that she was pushing people away because she was afraid that she wouldn’t be able to handle it if she lost another person.  This fear of connection and vulnerability left her feeling lonelier than ever.  She remembered that the thing she loved most about her mother was her mother’s high empathy, warmth and compassion.  Zoie never had the chance to tell her mother how much she appreciated her.  She desperately hoped that her mother knew that she loved her.

From that day forward, Zoie decided to tell her loved ones how much they meant to her.  She knew that she could not leave others wondering if she valued them.  She began to resolve her conflicts in a way that was respectful and empathetic.  Whenever she said goodbye to someone she cared for, she wanted to make sure they parted on good terms.  Her mother’s sudden death taught her that you never know when it will be the last time you will see someone.  This new awareness was both scary and beautiful.  She began to appreciate kind gestures more; she noticed when people offered small gifts of kindness such as opening the door, saying hello, and when people smiled at her.  The world seemed to be a gentler place than she had once realised.


When tragedy strikes, we might view the world as cruel.  If we look a little closer, we can see that behind every cruelty is a sea of compassion.  People feel good when they help others; there are more people out there that want to help you rather than hurt you.  The human connection enables us to feel seen, heard and wanted.  We ache deep into our souls when we lose that connection, and we yearn for that person back.  We can take that deep connection and apply it to others in life, our relationships thrive, and we find purpose again.


Don’t be afraid to ask for help; most people will need guidance or support in their lives. Please contact me to set up an online session—email

Photo by Khadeeja Yasser on Unsplash

Although I am a registered clinical psychologist with the Hong Kong Society of Counseling and Psychology, I am not a licensed psychologist or any other type of licensed therapist in the United States. The information I am providing here is educational and informational. This social media page does not provide professional advice, nor does it create a professional-client relationship or any other type of relationship between us. You should always consult your own licensed mental health professional before making any changes regarding your mental health. My goal is to educate, guide, consult, and empower you regarding your mental health journey. Always consult your licensed mental healthcare provider(s) and never disregard or delay medical advice based on information posted on this page or post.