Andrew was a marine who was taught that commitment and loyalty were what made a man brave. These core values served him well in the marines and later professionally. So when Andrew met Sasha, he felt like he had won the lottery. A year later, they were married and were planning on raising a family together.
Sasha was feeling trapped by marriage. She wasn’t sure that she wanted to be with just one person for the rest of her life. She soon began devaluing and abusing Andrew. Andrew stuck by her side, hoping that things would change. He had committed to the marriage, and he would be loyal until the end.
Andrew desperately tried to make Sasha happy, but nothing he did ever worked. Sasha had been drinking a lot more and staying out late most nights. Andrew’s friend had told him that he had seen Sasha’s profile on Tinder.
Andrew was beside himself. He was deeply heartbroken, but he couldn’t seem to find it within himself to leave her. What kind of man breaks his marriage commitment? He asked Sasha to consider marriage counselling. She said that she wasn’t willing to go because she didn’t want to repair the marriage. Instead, she asked for a divorce.
Andrew was upset with himself because he had been loyal and committed to someone who could not offer the same back to him. He felt betrayed, and he started to become depressed. What was it all for? He wasn’t about to shift his core values, but what could he do to prevent this from happening again.
Core values help us to define who we are and what we stand for. Our core values might be different from someone else’s, and conflict can happen. For example, Andrew felt that he was ethical by sticking with what he felt was right, but he got burned by someone who did not value the same things.
Here are a few points to consider
- What are your core values?
- What core values do you seek in others?
- What are your boundaries around what you will and will not tolerate from others?
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Although I am a registered clinical psychologist with the Hong Kong Society of Counseling and Psychology, I am not a licensed psychologist or any other type of licensed therapist in the United States. The information I am providing here is educational and informational. This social media page does not provide professional advice, nor does it create a professional-client relationship or any other type of relationship between us. You should always consult your own licensed mental health professional before making any changes regarding your mental health. My goal is to educate, guide, consult, and empower you regarding your mental health journey. Always consult your licensed mental healthcare provider(s) and never disregard or delay medical advice based on information posted on this page or post.