Mark always enjoyed being a father. However, he relied on his wife quite a bit for child care. His work required him to travel fifty to seventy percent of the time. He did his best to make it up to his kids when he was in town. So when his wife asked him for a divorce, he knew fifty-fifty custody wasn’t an option. Mark felt incredibly guilty that he could not have his children more. His family was also pressuring him to fight for 50/50 custody.
Brian was struggling with stress and was overwhelmed. He loved his children dearly, but 50/50 custody took a toll on him. His ex-wife did not work, so he was the only one providing for the family. Long days and sometimes weekends at the office made him incredibly exhausted. He struggled to make his children dinner at night. He knew that their mother would be able to take better care of them. However, he did not want to regret missing out on their childhood. He considered asking if he could have them on the weekends when he had more energy.
Marrissa was a veteran struggling to adapt to society after the military. She was doing her best to find work and provide for herself. She desperately wanted to take care of her children, but she did not feel like she was ready. She also did not want her children to feel abandoned by her. She knew society would look down on her if she did not fight for custody. However, she also knew that her former partner could provide more security for their children.
Here are some things to consider.
- Hire a Family Law Professional: A Family Law Professional can help you successfully develop a schedule and create a Parenting Plan that is not only in the child’s best interest but also considers the parents’ work schedules and necessary traveling plans. A Family Lawyer will also protect your parental rights should your schedule change.
- Your children’s well-being is the priority. Fundamentally, children should not be neglected or abused in any way. Neglect is withholding affection, lack of supervision, using substances around your children, and not keeping them safe or fed. The other parent may be willing to care for the children more often until you are in a more stable place.
- Assure your children that they matter. Tell your children they matter to you and that you still love them. Let them know that you will always be there if they need you. Inform them that you think the other parent can provide for them better. Let them know you will ensure you see them as much as possible. This might look like weekends or holidays.
- Manage Shame. You might be feeling guilt or shame over not wanting 50/50 custody. Be curious about where your shame is coming from. Is it coming from society, family, or yourself? If it comes from others, remember that you made the right decision for your children. Your children are more important than what others think of you. If the shame is coming from yourself, learn to forgive yourself. There are healthy ways to cope and overcome your challenges.
- Maintain a Positive Relationship with the Other Parent: Maintaining a polite and civil relationship with the other parent will allow you to maintain a better relationship with your children. The other parent will also be more likely to be flexible around access. Your children will also learn how to manage their relationships.
Monica Borschel, Ph.D. Divorce and Trauma Recovery Coach
Monica is originally from Salt Lake City, Utah. She later moved to New York City, earning her master’s in clinical psychology from Columbia University. She then pursued her Doctorate in Social Work and Social Administration at the University of Hong Kong. Her training and qualifications include certifications in Brainspotting and High Conflict Coaching.
Attorney DeLacy Crovo, J.D.
Attorney Crovo is originally from Boston and settled there right after graduating from Suffolk University Law School on Beacon Hill. Her career began as an Assistant District Attorney for Middlesex County. After honing her litigation skills at the DA’s Office, Attorney Crovo opened her Family Law Practice, where she has successfully created family law solutions and litigated family law cases for over thirty years.
Attorney DeLacy Crovo and Monica Borschel can offer consultations together upon request. A financial advisor can be included.